OK for those of you men who have never had this done, and I think, even though I live in cologne I still am safe in saying that that is likely to be most of you, I will tell you how I experienced the process. Fortunately I have good skin, so I could avoid the need for too much foundation. Fellas, that is the stuff that they use to even the basic tone and texture of the skin. The mask. I would imagine that would be the heavy thing that I have heard some girls complain about. I am happy to admit that what is almost a light facial massage is certainly not uncomfortable. After a quiet short period of facial equalisation Holger started with nose and moved on to my eyes. I have had makeup before for various film, TV and theatre roles but this was by far the biggest change to my features, so far attempted. This is the longest I have had so many different brushes, pens and implements poked around on and under my eyes.
“Look up,” “look sideways,” “close your eyes,” “look straight ahead.” Ahhhhh.
However. It was bearable.
What was the most testing? That is easy to answer. The false eyelashes. It is like having a heavy net curtain hung just above your face and being held up by your eyelids. They are literally glued to your skin. Yes, glued to your skin Girls, why, why, why, why. Perhaps looking through them helps hide the features of the ugly men you find yourself battering them at.
The hair! Oh what to do? Old style and big or modern and chic? Frank was given the choice. Modern chic won for the first scenes.
Was that it? OH NO!
Frank Farian and I
Hollywood’s Comedy Night.
Flanagan’s Irish pub Heumarkt Cologne
English speaking comedy
The Latex catsuit
A black latex cat suit. Made for a woman. I was told that the famous “House of Harlots” had supplied these particular costumes of restriction and torture. They had supplied costumes to such people as Lady Gaga and Beyonce. Now imagine that they are designed to pull in, up and together all those female parts that tend to spread out, drop down and fall apart. Only on bodies that are still saveable. I am a man, trained and relatively slim despite a good amount of muscle and my “bits” are in different places and hang in different ways. This was not going to be easy.
“Lots of powder” and the German word that I am told suits is “Gewalt” which translates to something like violence. With 3 people helping to pull stretch twist and tuck and I was finally in.
Was that it? NO NOT YET!
High heels? No! These where high sole and higher heels. I have parodied Bruce Darnell in “Einfach Bach”, Dirk Bach’s TV show. I have parodied Bruce in a German TV film. I have worked with Bruce as a model and work as a model choreographer , so I know what I am talking about when I say these shoes where beyond what could be expected from anyone but the most professional of all transvestites. Five steps and I had to give up.
Was that now finally it for all torture? NO!
The latex suits need to have that film sheen, that shiny look. This they achieve with a silicon spray. That sounds simple. Well this spray comes out freezing, and I mean freezing cold. This on a thin skin tight cat suit and needs to be sprayed carefully everywhere. These things are made for the deepest sadist masochistic fetishes. The demon with the spray had an east German or Russian accent. It needed little imagination to add a uniform.
I was finally screen ready.
Now before you think that this was the end. I had to wear 3 different cat suites and try to drum in high higher heels. Needs no further explanation, you imagination is correct
What was Frank Farian like?
Well I have to sadly admit that I found him a very cool very professional person who knew what he wants. No negative secrets and no diva stories to sell to any newspapers or magazines. Not even any material about him to use in any of my up coming comedy shows.
B.B. Queen is an American soul singer with incredible camera presence and the whole team was a pleasure to work with. So it looks like I am the only one with an embarrassing and scandalous, if you call it that, story to tell.
Here it was.Keep watching and reading. This was not the first and won’t be the last of my weird experiences. It is just the first time I have had a place to post it. If you want to follow the exploits of a performing comedic actor and stand up comedian then catch you HERE next months for whatever there is to tell you then.
If you want to see and hear the track and see the video then watch out for the new single from B.B. Queen “Do Wah Di Di.” Pwritten and produced by Frank farina.
See you back soon,